i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
