My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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