Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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