:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
