You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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