it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
