Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
