We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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