I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize