he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We need to get me chipped asap
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
