I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
