i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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