As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
