I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
