So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
