hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize