I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
