I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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