The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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