I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
