I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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