So drunk its hurt
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
