Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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