did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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