He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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