we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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