my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
