it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
