Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
