Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
