I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
