Please, let me fuck your mom
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize