I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
