Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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