You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
