I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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