i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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