A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
