apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
