So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
