what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
