my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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