I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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