You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize