You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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