You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
