You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
COCAINE IS GR8
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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