I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
