she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I party with great urgency now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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