I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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