Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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