In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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