so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
