he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
