So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
