Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
