Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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