She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
