I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
me + whiskey = a bad person
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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