the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize