how can u be prego again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
