I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
