I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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