I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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