Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
