omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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