I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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