i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
