I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
