Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this just has baby written all over it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
