not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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