I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
