Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
