I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
