paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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