I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
