he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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